the relationship continuum...
I've been doing the affectionate friends thing for years...and over the years, I've learned that it's something that works for me, but at the same time, it's something sensitive and that needs to be dealt with intellectually. It's extremely important that the communcation lines are open, no assumptions are made, and that each person's respective truths are recognized and respected. These years of experience have helped me develop evolving theories about relationships...and here are some of my latest ideas..
I believe that when it comes to relationships (within heterosexual and homosexual dynamics) there exists a continuum where levels of commitment and intimacy are expressed. Most of my male relationships (past and present) fall into one of these six categories.
Acquaintances: men I know, but don't know about my life
Platonic Friends: men who know the details of my life
Affectionate friends: men who I'm huggy-kissy with
Fully benefitted friends: men who I have sex with, but not exclusive with
Significant other: men who I have an exclusive sexual relationship with
Soulmate: a man who I have a deeply emotional, sexual relationship where our lives are completely entwined.
The categories seem to build upon each other, and the comments noted seems to be the defining factor between that relationship and the one above it. The transition between going from a platonic to a more intimate relationship is usually a pleasant one, and conversely, evolving a relationship into one that is less intimate one is a difficult one.
At least, this is what I'm finding in my real life affair. It's so bizarre how I was an intelligent, SANE, articulate woman before I met this guy, and once I considered being romantic with this young man, I became this irrational, unreasonable, obsessed chick. I don't like who I have become... and I can't figure out if it's just me or this is an outcome of our chemistry.
Even though it's horrid to think you may be the root cause of the dynamic, it's easier because you can actually do something about it... At least, I would like to think that.
I believe that when it comes to relationships (within heterosexual and homosexual dynamics) there exists a continuum where levels of commitment and intimacy are expressed. Most of my male relationships (past and present) fall into one of these six categories.
Acquaintances: men I know, but don't know about my life
Platonic Friends: men who know the details of my life
Affectionate friends: men who I'm huggy-kissy with
Fully benefitted friends: men who I have sex with, but not exclusive with
Significant other: men who I have an exclusive sexual relationship with
Soulmate: a man who I have a deeply emotional, sexual relationship where our lives are completely entwined.
The categories seem to build upon each other, and the comments noted seems to be the defining factor between that relationship and the one above it. The transition between going from a platonic to a more intimate relationship is usually a pleasant one, and conversely, evolving a relationship into one that is less intimate one is a difficult one.
At least, this is what I'm finding in my real life affair. It's so bizarre how I was an intelligent, SANE, articulate woman before I met this guy, and once I considered being romantic with this young man, I became this irrational, unreasonable, obsessed chick. I don't like who I have become... and I can't figure out if it's just me or this is an outcome of our chemistry.
Even though it's horrid to think you may be the root cause of the dynamic, it's easier because you can actually do something about it... At least, I would like to think that.
posted by Empowered Follower at
12:00 AM
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