I've come to the realization that I'm afraid.

I've had my heart broken a few times this year. I placed hope upon a few relationships only to have them fail. Nothing really bad ever happened. It was just not the perfect match.. Or he lived to far away.. or it was just bad timing...

I've arrived at this point where I am very jaded and very tired, and my heart just doesn't want to come out of its shell anymore. I'm picky as hell and I'm not sorry about it... but I'm aware that this is somewhat of a sorry state to be in. It's the reality of my situation.

Now, I'm trying to figure out what I want. I am frighten of opening myself up to an emotionally involved relationship. I know I'm capable of having just a sexual relationship where I can quash the emotional side of it, but that's neither healthy or productive. I think I would love to have something deep and involved one day, but I'm not sure if that one day is now....