I need to grow up...

That's simply what I need to do. There's this reluctance to do so... or maybe, it's a fear. It is a process that I am fully aware I have to go through.

All I know I hate feeling pushed to do so. Any pressure from an outside party just makes me want to regress.

Addicted...

Save logic or realism for another relationship. This 'us' is pure fantasy, an escape... or as we like to call it "an oasis of solace." Our sexual chemistry is off the hook... the sex is intense, mind-blowing, and freeing. However, though we are good friends, the reality is that the man is not sweet on me. Though he makes my body sing playing me better than his bass guitar, he's not willing to be the one who makes my heart smile. And thus, with that limitation, he becomes simply a drug, and though, I hate to admit it... I've been a user.

What to do now...

I've spent years, countless hours really, trying to figure out what makes me tick, and now that I've got some sense of what has made me me, I have no excuse anymore to live my life.

It really feels like a matter of nothing's going to stop me from getting what I want... except me not wanting to get what I want. Self-doubt is a killer I tell you... a killer...